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Living by Gospel Rule Rather than Exceptions - 1 Corinthians 7:8-24

Sermon Series: Confused?

This week let’s begin by thinking about ‘exceptions.’ An exception by definition is a scenario in which a rule does not apply. So if I were to ask the question, “When do we make an exception for someone?” most of us would probably answer with a reply that sounds something like this, “When an individual has an extreme circumstance in his or her life.” It would be difficult to find anyone who would strongly object to either this working definition or the application of this definition. However, while most of us would accept this definition and application from an ‘academic’ point of view, I think most of us have a very different ‘practical’ point of view concerning ‘exceptions.’ Practically I think many of us live believing that an exception ought to be “a scenario in which a rule does not apply in order to benefit me.” Think about that for just a minute. How would you feel if your employer came to you and said, “Everyone in the company is getting a raise this year, except for you.” How would you feel if your professor announced to your class that, “Everyone in the class is getting an extension on their assignment, except for you.” Or how would you feel if the manager at Chick-fil-a sent out free milkshakes to all of the customers in the restaurant, except for you? You’d be angry and upset - that’s how you would feel! Why? Because everyone else benefited from a choice that was made, while you were ‘hurt’ by the choice. We don’t ever want to be the ‘exception’ if that means we aren’t going to gain from being the exception. But turn those scenarios around and notice how quickly things change. How would you feel if your employer came to you and said, “No one in the company is getting a raise this year, except for you.” How would you feel if your professor announced to your class that, “No one in the class is getting an extension on their assignment, except for you.” Or how would you feel if the manager at Chick-fil-a sent out a free milkshake only for you? You would be excited! Why? Because you directly benefited in a way that no one else had the opportunity to benefit from. When that is the case we have no problem being the exception.

One of the problems in our culture today is that so many people think that they should be the exception to the rule. In fact, for many they feel like the ‘rule’ applies to everyone else and that they can always be the exception as long as it benefits them. I witness this every day when I drop my daughter off at school. We have to make a left turn from the street into the school parking lot. In order to help with the traffic flow a stop light has been placed at the entrance to the school parking lot to help keep traffic moving and to ensure that traffic from each direction has the opportunity to move. So every morning we sit in the left hand turn lane and wait for the green turn arrow to light up and give us the go ahead to turn into the parking lot. And EVERY DAY I sit in amazement as the turn signal turns yellow and then red and watch as cars continue to turn left into the parking lot as if there is still a green arrow (which then prevents on-coming traffic from either moving forward or having their turn to turn into the parking lot). It blows my mind that so many people think that the rule “stop on a red light” does not apply to them. They think that if they are in a hurry, that if they are running late, or if they simply don’t want to wait another two minutes for the next turn signal, that the rule does not apply to them. They think that they can (and should be) an exception because it will serve to benefit them in this situation. And I believe this is just a microcosm of how our society has taught us to believe and live.

The belief that we all are deserving of exceptions as long as it personally benefits us is a terrible deception! Rules are established for all of us to live by; exceptions are only supposed to be for those in extreme situations or scenarios. And this is incredibly important for us to remember as we examine the text for this week. Paul is going to answer some questions specifically about marriage and divorce in the verses we examine this week, but in addressing a very specific circumstance he is also going to provide us with a good rule for daily living. Our challenge is going to be remembering that our call is to live by the rule – not the exceptions.

Last week, as we began our examination of chapter 7 we saw Paul make a transition in his letter to address and give clarity to concerns the church at Corinth had and which they had sought clarity from him on. We can’t know for sure if Paul was responding to their concerns in the order that they had written about them in their letter to him, but Paul begins by addressing their concerns about marriage. In the first seven verses we saw that some in the church had started to devalue marriage and had neglected the mutual responsibility each spouse had to make themselves available for sexual intercourse with their spouse. In those verses Paul commanded spouses not to deprive one another of sexual intercourse because sexual intercourse was a tangible expression of spiritual realities that had taken place in their lives when they came to faith in Jesus. Abstinence had also contributed to some (particularly the men) falling into the temptation of sexual immorality by engaging in sexual intercourse with prostitutes (see 6:12-20). But we noted last week that while the Gospel radically transformed our lives, it did not change God’s design or purpose for marriage. Therefore, the married believers in Christ needed to live out their new lives in Christ by continuing to value marriage and practice sexual intercourse with one another.

This week we resume our study of chapter 7 picking up with verse 8. And in the verses that follow Paul continues to bring clarity to areas of confusion about marriage (particularly on the topic of divorce). He begins in verses 8-9 by addressing those who had formerly been married but whose spouse had past away. “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” When Paul says first that he is addressing the ‘unmarried’ he is not speaking to those who have never been married – he is talking to those who were once married but whose spouse had past away. That is clearer when he uses the word ‘widows’ right after making reference to the ‘unmarried.’ We understand that by definition a ‘widow’ is a woman whose husband had past away. But Paul wants to draw attention to more than just the widowed women, for what he has to say also has application to the widowers – men whose wives had passes away and left them alone (i.e. “the unmarried”). Paul says to those in the church at Corinth whose spouse had passed away, “it is good for them to remain single as I am.” This was the rule! These individuals had had a season of life in which they had experienced God’s gift of marriage to them. They had experienced some tangible expressions of Gospel truth through sexual intercourse with a spouse and knew what it was like to have their sexual desires and cravings satisfied by another. Paul seemed to be encouraging them to now look to God alone for the fulfillment of their even greater soul desires and cravings. Paul wanted them to turn their attention to their relationship with God and their faithful service to Him. Marriage was a gift from God that they had been able to enjoy for a time, but now they had the opportunity to devote more of themselves to God and to faithfully serving Him. They had entered into a season of life that had less demands and responsibilities to another and in which their attention could now be turned to their greatest love and treasure. So Paul encourages them not to seek out another marriage but to seek to develop, grow, and strengthen the relationship that they have with God.

Paul does allow for an exception though. He says that “if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry.” The Greek actually seems to make it more of a present tense condition than a future tense one, so a more literal translation would probably read, “if they are not exercising self-control.” Paul says the preference for those who have already experienced marriage with someone would be to remain single and to devote their lives to loving and serving God, but some just don’t have the self-control to do that. Some may still have strong desires of the flesh that tempt them to fall into sexual immorality. Especially in the cases where widows and/or widowers are presently falling into sexual immorality because of their strong desires and cravings Paul says that exceptions can be made. If someone is past the stage of life where the desires of the flesh are incredibly strong and they seem to have a strong command over those desires then they ought not to pursue a new marriage. But if someone is still in the stage of life where the desires of the flesh are strong and when those desires are causing them to fall into immorality, it is better for that individual to marry again. (As a note of clarification - a person who is a widow or widower has the freedom to marry again since their previous marriage covenant had been brought to an end by the death of his or her spouse. Therefore it would be permissible for them to marry again and to enter into a relationship where they could satisfy their strong desires of the flesh through sexual intercourse with a new spouse.) Paul says of the two options: (1) marrying again, or (2) constantly burning with sexual passion and continually stumbling into sexual immorality, marriage is certainly the better and holier option. “For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

In verses 10-16 Paul turns his attention to the topic of marriage and divorce. In doing so he is going to address two different kinds of marriages: marriages in which both spouses were believers in Christ (vs. 10-11) and marriages in which only one spouse was a believer in Christ (vs. 12-16). But while he is addressing two different kinds of marriages he offers one consistent command to the believers in Christ. So for those of us who are believers in Christ we need to listen and pay attention well. We live in a country where divorce is rampant. A quick Google search for “divorce statistics in the United States” will produce many different reports and studies. Many of those reports claim that 50% of first marriages will end in divorce and that those who choose to get married a second time experience a divorce rate that exceeds 60%. Half of all marriages in the US fail! That’s awful! But in the United States we seem far too comfortable with a 50% success rate in marriages. In fact, these days people go into marriages with the thought in the back of their heads, “There’s no guarantee that I’m going to love this person forever – but that’s no big deal because divorce is always an option.” Today more couples seem to prefer to end their marriage over “irreconcilable differences” than to fight for their marriages and to work to make them better. Too many individuals and couples believe that marriage is all about making them “happy,” rather than making them “holy” and so when things get difficult or challenges come their way they choose the easy way out. With little to no regard to the covenant they made with one another before God they walk away from their marriage to try to find someone else who can make them happy.

Paul moved his attention from those believers who had been married (verses 8-9) to the believers in the church at Corinth who were presently married to other believers. “To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord) . . .” In verses 10-11 Paul gave a charge to those who were married and emphasized the seriousness of the charge by declaring that what he was charging them with wasn’t a personal opinion but rather something that Jesus had taught. “The wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.” Married couples please listen to and hear clearly this week Jesus’ teachings and Paul’s words on marriage – “It is supposed to be permanent!” Paul used a couple of different words in these verses to speak to the church of Corinth in their context. In the first century not all divorces were “legal” divorces. Women had fewer rights and privileges, so in order to have a legal divorce they would have had to convince their husband of it and he would have been responsible for carrying out a “legal” divorce. So in the first century it was more often the case that if a woman wanted to dissolve a marriage she would simply leave the marriage. So Paul spoke directly to those women who were believers in Christ and who were part of the church at Corinth and charged them not to walk away from their marriages in a functional divorce. He also spoke directly to the men who were believers in Christ and who were a part of the church at Corinth and charged them not to use the legal means available to them in order to divorce their wife. Believers in Christ aren’t ever to take the initiative to dissolve a marriage relationship which God intended to be permanent! And in the exception that a believer in Christ did initiate a divorce with his or her spouse and followed through with it, that individual was to remain unmarried. (In the case of the widowers and widows in the verses that preceded these, Paul gave an exception for re-marriage if the individual was unable to control the desires of his or her flesh. That didn’t hold true for those who chose to divorce their spouse. Paul said that if you divorced your spouse and continued to have the strong desires of the flesh that you needed to be reconciled to your spouse; not find a new one.) Paul seemed to allow for this exception, and in the case that a brother or sister in Christ initiates a divorce with a believing spouse we cannot ostracize them from the church. But there are too many believers trying to live by the exceptions allowed and pushing the borders of those exceptions, rather than striving to live according to the Gospel rule. Paul tells believing couples – pursue reconciliation, not divorce!

Paul moves on to address believers in Christ who are married to those who are not believers in Christ in verses 12-16. “To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him(vs. 12-13). These verses seem to indicate that some of the believers in Christ who were part of the church of Corinth had misunderstood an earlier teaching of Paul’s and they were trying to dissolve their marriages with unbelievers, even when the unbeliever was consenting to live with and be married to the believer. Let’s go back and take a look at 1 Corinthians 5:9-11, “I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people – not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler . . .” Let’s look at what Paul wrote here and see if we can’t ask a few questions and draw a few inferences. Verse 9 tells us that Paul had written an earlier letter instructing the believers who made up the church at Corinth not to associate with sexually immoral people. This was the instruction Paul had given. But the first question we have to ask is, “Did all the believers in Corinth understand this instruction as Paul had intended it and if not, how did they misinterpret it?” Continue to look at 5:9-11 for clues. It appears that Paul is trying to clarify some former misunderstanding doesn’t it? It looks like the believers had taken Paul’s command to not associate with the sexually immoral who professed to be believers and that they were attempting to cut off association with anyone who was sexually immoral, as well as those who were greedy, swindlers, idolaters, revilers, and drunkards. Isn’t this the reason Paul is offering clarification? Was Paul really commanding them to cut off association with these non-believers? No! Paul meant for them not to allow those who professed to be believers in Christ and who practiced those things to continue to be associated with the church. But if these believers were trying to cut off association with both believers and non-believers who were characterized by these descriptions, what implications might this have had on believers who were married to unbelievers? Some of them may have felt that this meant that they were to dissolve those marriages and cut off association with their unbelieving spouse – even if their unbelieving spouse wasn’t wanting a divorce. Paul wanted the believers in Corinth who were married to unbelievers to understand that ‘yes’ the Gospel had transformed their lives, but their spouse’s unbelief in Jesus did not contaminate their marriage. Therefore, there was no reason for them to attempt to dissolve the marriage by initiating a divorce.

Verse 14 is a very difficult verse in this passage. In order to build on his argument that believers should not initiate a divorce with their unbelieving spouse Paul says, “For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.” The trouble with this verse is that a quick reading of the verse seems to suggest that the salvation of the believing spouse is applied to and effective in making holy the unbelieving spouse and children. But this isn’t at all consistent with what Paul teaches in the rest of his NT letters or consistent with what any of the other NT authors recorded. So then the question we have to determine an answer for is, “What did Paul mean in verse 14?” Paul did not mean that the unbeliever acquired either salvation or holiness as a result of his or her marriage to a believer in Christ, rather he meant that that unbeliever had a greater potential for realizing salvation through faith in Jesus as long as the marriage with the believer was maintained. The believer in a family unit has an unbelievable platform with his or her spouse and children. By His grace, God can work powerfully through the believer’s words and lifestyle to bring the unbelieving spouse and/or children to a clear understanding of the Gospel and the hope of salvation that rests in Jesus. So rather than the unbelievers in the family having a ‘defiling’ effect on the believer and which might make divorce beneficial to the believer, Paul says the opposite is actually true. The believer has a ‘sanctifying’ effect on the unbelievers in the family, which should serve as further motivation not to initiate divorce, but rather to seek to maintain the marriage.

In verse 15 Paul did offer an exception for those believers who were married to an unbeliever. “But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved.” Paul had been adamant that believers not initiate divorce, but here he spoke to a scenario in which an unbelieving spouse initiated a divorce with the spouse who was a believer in Christ. In that case Paul said to the believer that he or she was not enslaved to his previous charge to work to maintain the marriage. In that scenario it was permissible for the believer in Christ to allow the unbelieving spouse to carry out the divorce. But Paul doesn’t end verse 15 with the exception. Instead he drives the believers in Corinth back to the rule, “God has called you to peace.” God’s design for marriages was not (and is not) for divorce. God’s design for marriages was not (and is not) primarily for marriage to make us happy and comfortable. God's design was for us to faithfully and obediently work to maintain our marriages – even when it means forsaking our own personal comfort so that we might work towards peace in our marriages – not divorce. That was evident earlier in verses 12-13 when Paul instructed believing husbands not to divorce their unbelieving wives and believing wives not to divorce their unbelieving husbands. You never know, the efforts of a believing wife or a believing husband to maintain their marriage with an unbelieving spouse may have even greater eternal implications, “For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” (vs. 16). Again, this wasn’t Paul claiming that the believer himself or herself might effect the work of salvation in the unbeliever’s life. Paul was saying that God may choose to use the believing spouse’s proclamation of the Gospel and faithful and obedient lifestyle to persuade the unbelieving spouse to repent of their sin and to surrender control of their lives to Jesus and follow after Him.

A high divorce rate in our churches is absolutely destroying our Gospel proclamation. In the OT God likens the Israelite’s idolatry over and over again to spiritual adultery. That kind of language means that we are a people who have forsaken our greatest love and possession in order to chase after, love, and commit spiritual adultery with broken, sinful, and phony things. Think about that for just a second! Think about some of those things that you have pursued, or some of those things that you have loved in place of God. Then hold that thing up to God and compare them with one another. Does that thing even come close to comparing with God in beauty, splendor, majesty, or worth? No, of course it doesn’t. But there have been times when we have forsaken God in order to chase after and pursue those things. In God’s eyes that’s the same thing as adultery. Yet God – the offended party – continued to love us! God – the offended party – continued to pursue us! God – the offended party – gave His most valuable possession as a substitutionary sacrifice to atone for our wrong doings so that we could be reconciled back to Him. Then we come to our church buildings and we sit in our Bible studies and talk about the Gospel and how it has impacted our lives, but when it comes to our hurting marriages we give very minimal effort to work towards forgiveness, reconciliation, and healing. We think we have been wronged too much, that we’ve been hurt too bad, and we realize that our spouse is never going to perfect (that he/she is always going to be marred by sin). So we choose instead to walk away and to end the marriage and simply start over. Where is the good news of the Gospel in that?!?! One Bible commentator had this to say, “. . . in the Christian community reconciliation is the norm. If the Christian husband and wife cannot be reconciled to one another, then how can they expect to become models of reconciliation before a fractured and broken world?” We are sinners who are married to sinners. That means our marriages will not be perfect! We have to accept that truth and be resolved to work towards reconciliation. Our differences, our trials, and even our hurts allow us to put the grace, forgiveness, and love of Christ on display in our relationships. And when the lost world around us sees us extending forgiveness and grace in the most unlikely of scenarios to those who least deserve it then they will begin to catch a glimpse of the love and forgiveness that was extended to mankind, who did not deserve it.

Before we wrap things up this week let’s look very quickly at verses 17-24. Paul states the rule that seems to have dominated the first part of chapter 7 so far, “Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches.” What Paul has written to the church at Corinth in chapter 7 isn’t just a word to their specific context – these are the same instructions that Paul had given to all of the churches that he had planted. Paul understood that belief in Jesus as Savior and Lord brought unbelievable change in our lives. It gave to us, who were dead in our trespasses and sin, new life and made us into a new creation. It created in us a new heart and washed away the sin and stains that marred our lives. It reconciled us to God and brought us back to Him so that we no longer needed a mediator or priest but ensured that we have a direct, personal relationship with Him. That transformation is to change the way we live our lives, but some of the believers who made up the church at Corinth had begun to believe that the changes God had worked in them should lead them to change things in their lives. But Paul warns the Corinthian believers, “Before you go changing things simply because God has changed you, give some consideration to what it is that God has called you to and what Jesus has assigned to you.” Marriage was designed, crafted, and initiated by God; trying to alter God’s design for marriage or even to dissolve marriage simply because we have been changed isn’t what God has called us to. God has called us to use our marriages as a platform to proclaim the good news of reconciliation – whether its through the way we model the love of Christ for the church and the love of the church for Christ with our believing spouse or if its through the opportunities we have to speak the truth of the Gospel and model a life transformed by the Gospel with our unbelieving spouse. God gives us certain platforms and opportunities to proclaim the Gospel and to live out our new identity in Christ and we need to look to make the most of those opportunities rather than looking to change them. Paul then went on to give a couple of other examples in verses 18-24. He said that whether our flesh bears the mark identifying us as Jewish or not isn’t a concern. If we came to faith in Christ bearing the mark of circumcision then we have a platform to continue to proclaim Christ with others whose flesh identifies them as a Jew. If we came to faith in Christ not bearing the mark of circumcision then we have a platform to continue to proclaim Christ among those who are like us and who don’t have the mark of circumcision. For those who came to faith in Christ as slaves, use the platform you have with your master and with other slaves to make the good news of the Gospel known. God has called us to faith in Christ and bought us with a price. Therefore we need to be using our time and energy to proclaim the good news of the Gospel on the platform that we have been given, rather than spending our time and energy attempting to change our circumstances.

Connection Point Questions for Discussion:

1. Think about your life and daily routines.  Are there times throughout the day where you regularly observe others (or perhaps even yourself) living as though they are the exception to the rule?  Share with us about these times - where does it happen, what is the 'rule,' and what does the motivation of these individuals seem to be for choosing to live as though they are the exception to the rule.

2. In our text this week Paul writes that Jesus' command to His followers who are married is that they should not initiate a divorce (see 7:10-11).  Why would Jesus give this command not to divorce?  Does Jesus ever say that there is a time when it is permissible for believers to initiate divorce (see Matthew 19:1-9)? Is this allowance part of the 'rule' or is this allowance and 'exception?'   If the allowance for adultery is an 'exception' what is God's preference for believing spouses to pursue even in marriages where adultery has been committed?

3. In light of this week's text, what advice would you give to a believer in Christ whose husband/wife is physically abusive?  What advice would you give to a believer in Christ who says that God told him/her to divorce his/her spouse?

4. Jesus has given each of His followers a command to "make disciples" (see Matthew 28:18-20).  In what ways do we sometimes try to make exceptions for this command?  Read 1 Corinthians 7:17-24.  Where has God in His divine sovereignty placed you, or what platform has God in His divine sovereignty given you to share the good news of Jesus?  Is it okay for God to call us to a new place or to give us a new platform for sharing the good news of Jesus?  What is the danger of us attempting to initiate and effect change in our place or our platform for sharing the Gospel. 

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